


RELOAD

by unknown_name



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, Conflicted Feelings – Resentment vs. Yearning For Paternal Affection, Father-Son Relationship Study, Gen, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 21:30:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9626141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknown_name/pseuds/unknown_name
Summary: When people were asked what exactly was a good father to them, the answers usually didn't differ much from one another. "A father is someone who takes care of you alongside your mother." "He is someone who raises you, making sure you live a happy life." "A father supports his children in any circumstances." "He is someone you can rely on."When Akechi Goro was asked this question, he wasn't sure what to say in response. There were many things Shidou Masayoshi was, but "a good father" was not one of them. After giving himself a short time to think, he eventually answered. "A father is... someone who always praises his children when they deserve it."





	

Akechi Goro was a contradiction.   
  
Modest, but arrogant. Humble, but vain. Mature, but childish. Soft-spoken, but coarse. Two-faced and yet, both sides he presented were very real. There was no fake self or true self about him, only one, conflicting self that created Akechi Goro's structure.  
  
"You aim far too left, Akechi. Your posture is all wrong, too. Put more effort into this already." a bossy voice suddenly snapped, so loud it managed to break through the teenager's heavy earmuffs.   
  
The unexpected command brought him back to reality. He sighed, and grudgingly straightened up. He had naively believed learning to use a gun would be a piece of cake, but the agonizingly slow hours spent in the training room had told him otherwise. Following the instructor's advice, he forced himself to aim slightly more right. He stared at the human-shaped silhouette facing him from the very back of the long room, and with a childish urge that was hard to repress, he imagined himself shooting at his father.  
  
Come to think of it, that, too, was a contradiction. Akechi Goro did not want to kill his father. No, having Shidou Masayoshi's head wouldn't even begin to satisfy him. His father deserved the harshest humiliation possible, the blow that would be so powerful, he would have wished for death instead... only to be denied of that luxury. Revenge was a dish served cold, and the teenager was ready to wait hundreds of years if it meant delivering a feast worthy of the name. He would take Shidou by the hand, and lead him to the very top of the mountain called power. Then, when his father would stand tall, watching over the desolate canyon that was now his kingdom, Akechi Goro would simply give him a little push, smirking in victory as he imagined Shidou's eyes opening wide, a single word cluttering his mind while he fell in the endless abyss. _"Why?"_  
The higher the top, the harder the fall. Or so the teenager believed.  
  
A piercing stare burned into him, and he focused his attention back on the task at hand. His weapon leapt once, and not even the earmuffs could completely block out the hissing in his ears that came with the powerful gunshot. The air split as the bullet crossed the atmosphere. In the end, it didn't hit the mark, but the shadow of a smile appeared on Akechi Goro's lips – mere inches separated the impact from the middle of the head. With one tap of the thumb, the teenager ejected the magazine from its slot, replacing it almost casually with a loaded one offered by his instructor. Remembering his previous lessons, he put his hand over the top of the slide, gave it a quick pull and released it, earning a satisfying snapping sound in response. The reload complete, Akechi Goro took aim, only to get lost in thought again.  
  
His plan was foolproof – there was nothing that could stand in his way. The road to happiness was right there, and Shidou Masayoshi's end would mean Akechi Goro's beginning. The grudge that had taken possession of him would soon turn to euphoria, and the teenager was eager to finally taste it.  
Even so, a tiny, almost inaudible part of him asked – was that really what he wanted?  
  
_Of course it is_ , Akechi Goro thought. Wanting revenge on the person that had made his life a living hell was only natural, even if said person happened to be his father. When asked, people back at the orphanage often told him a family bond could never be broken no matter what, and that children should always love their parents unconditionally, almost as if they were supposed to be thankful for being born. Akechi Goro rejected those answers. To him, blood connection meant nothing. For his father, he felt nothing but hatred, and there was nothing he expected from him anymore. There was... nothing.   
  
_"I still can't believe I got caught in this scandal. Those damn bastards... I don't think I would be there anymore, if you hadn't helped me. Well done, Akechi. That was some impressive quick thinking."_  
  
A knot of muscle gripped the young man's throat, a reminder that he was only lying to himself. Hatred wasn't the only emotion that connected Akechi Goro to Shidou Masayoshi. He refused to acknowledge it, but this feeling was too strong to be repressed anymore, and eventually, it broke free from the depths of his mind. Perhaps, in another lifetime, the teenager could have led a normal family life. Waking up with the morning sun, enjoying the breakfast his mother had prepared for him, getting bored at school, going back home, proudly bragging about scoring the highest grade on a test, and being showered with praise by his father in return... this was the life Akechi Goro truly wanted. But it seemed he didn't deserve it, and he wasn't sure why.  
  
Even so, and while this wasn't exactly how he had imagined the circumstances around it to be, his father praised him. Parents congratulated their children for working hard or getting high grades, and Shidou congratulated his son for successfully disposing of his rivals. The dissonance was almost eerie, but the teenager was past caring at that point. Any form of affection and genuine praise healed his heart, and Akechi Goro embraced it all, choosing to ignore that it came from the man he hated the very most. He remained his father, despite it all, and no matter how much the young man tried to deny it, being acknowledged by Shidou never failed to send a shot of childish excitement through his veins. This is why he was willing to commit any sin as many times as his father needed, if it allowed him to taste the sweet flavor of appreciation again. The teenager never outright admitted this, not even to himself – it was more convenient to think he was following Shidou's orders only because it was all part of his goal to surpass him. This wasn't a lie, of course, but it wasn't his only reason, and he was barely aware of it.  
  
The teenager absent-mindedly gazed at the weapon in his hands. Perhaps it might have been possible for Akechi Goro to be happy. But there was no turning back anymore, and he discarded the thought as quickly as it crossed his mind. For a moment, he stood still, and then shot. He hit the bullseye this time, and with a small, self-satisfied smile, he swiftly put the safety protection back on the gun. Judging by the clock fixed to a nearby wall, it was 10 pm, and the young man was expected one hour later. The instructor, well aware of this, took the weapon from his hands and Akechi Goro proceeded to remove his earmuffs, gently putting them on the shooting counter. With a polite bow, he turned around and left the building, making his way through Tokyo at a brisk pace.  
  
At exactly 11 pm, Akechi Goro knocked on a classy door made of the most expensive wood. A muffled "Come in" rang out and the young man complied, opening the door to his father's office. As always, he was sitting behind his desk, piercing his subordinate's body and soul with his gaze. The teenager refused to be intimidated, and he stubbornly stared back.  
  
"You wanted to see me, Shidou-san...?" he asked, but he already knew why he had been summoned.  
  
"I'll get straight to the point, Akechi. A very good friend of mine was caught having... an affair. Since he is the CEO of a powerful business, the affair turned to a scandal. His wife threatened to sue him, but let's be honest, she just wants to hit the jackpot. Winning her case would mean earning a lot of money in compensation after all. Quite the clever woman, don't you think?" he asked with a chuckle, but the teenager merely smiled in response, more out of politeness than genuine amusement.  
  
Shidou relaxed on his chair, his eyes never averting from the brown-haired boy's.  
  
"Anyway, my friend let it slip that it would be convenient if her credibility was doubted. Actually, he outright told me he wouldn't mind if his wife were to... go berserk, for example." he confided, the last syllables slow and stressed.  
  
The hint wasn't exactly subtle – Akechi Goro knew that work had come up.   
  
"Of course, Shidou-san. Leave it to me." he simply answered with a forced smile, his voice cold and monotone. He had lost count of the number of times he had said those exact same words before.  
  
For a split second, a light flare streaked Shidou's orange-tinted glasses as he straightened up. "I'm counting on you, Akechi. If we do him this little favor, I am sure it will be extremely beneficial for us in return, in more ways than one. I'll give you the information you need. I want you to act as soon as possible. I will not tolerate any delay."  
  
The sight of the teenager's eyebrows furrowing probably made him realize he had been unnecessarily harsh, for Shidou's severe features turned to a somewhat softer, almost unnatural expression. He then proceeded to say the magic words, the spell that he knew would always submit Akechi Goro to his beck and call. "I'm looking forward to the results, but I already know you will brilliantly succeed. I am quite lucky to have met you, aren't I?... Let me know when you have completed the job."  
  
At those words, the familiar jolt of excitement pierced Akechi Goro's heart, and something stirred in his stomach. The hatred had been temporarily drowned out. Instead, the only emotion consuming his entire being was something akin to... rapture. It was a powerful, hypnotizing spell, and the teenager never truly noticed until his last moments how deadly and dangerous it really was. When he realized he had practically allowed himself to be bound by his father's words, it was too late to break free. The binds were too tight, and struggling only resulted in the ropes digging deeper in his wrists, ankles, and neck. If this was the price to pay to be acknowledged, the teenager would have gladly accepted it, but even when he just met Shidou, he knew... he knew that his father was praising him only to manipulate his actions. He had chosen to ignore this soul-crushing truth and instead put blinders on his eyes, preventing him from seeing nothing but a soothing, comforting lie. Eventually, he had convinced himself that this lie was the truth, and this is why hearing the fake version of himself spit the _real_ truth back in his face hit hard, just like a slap.  
  
Years had passed since this specific encounter with his father. He was now being held at gunpoint by the perception born from Shidou's mind, and he knew, in that moment, that he was about to die. Even so, he wouldn't call it a defeat – the Phantom Thieves would fulfill his last wish, he was sure of it. No, Akechi Goro hadn't lost to Shidou Masayoshi. He had lost against... himself. He had lost against the naivety clouding his mind, the childish need for acknowledgment that had left such a gaping hole in his heart, even Shidou, of all people, had managed to fill it thanks to his clever use of praise.  
  
Perhaps things would have been easier if he had simply murdered Shidou when the opportunity arose. The teenager absent-mindedly wondered if one bullet would have been enough to kill him. But even if the first bullet pierced his brain or his heart, Akechi Goro wasn't sure he would have been satisfied. He would probably have emptied the whole magazine on his father, only to reload, then shoot again. With each shot, his pain might have eased just a little. With each bullet wound, he would get closer to happiness, or so he told himself. But even so, he was aware this wasn't the outcome he wanted. What he wanted the most was...  
  
_"... to be acknowledged. To be loved, wanted, and needed. To understand what it means to be appreciated for who I really am."_  
  
For a moment, the teenager had naively believed Shidou Masayoshi could have fulfilled every single one of those conditions, but he had been wrong. A violent, ugly connection that could never be severed no matter what – this was the father and son relationship Shidou Masayoshi and Akechi Goro shared. There was no love or fondness between them, only lies, deception, and self-benefit. The subordinate would complete the job, and the superior would reward him with what the teenager's brain processed as affection. Now that he thought about it, this was clearly the greatest contradiction of all. How come the man he wanted to drag to hell so badly had such an incapacitating hold on him? How come he was so _starved_  for affection that he found solace in Shidou Masayoshi's praise? He wasn't sure he would ever find the answer, and his heart fell at the realization.  
  
He had been aware of this for years, of course, but knowing he would never find out what a normal family life would be like still stung nonetheless. He could only imagine it, and as if on cue, a painful, prickly image crept up his heart to reach his mind. An image where he was a small child, held high in his father's powerful arms, with his mother in the background laughing at the heartwarming scene. An image that came from an alternate history that never happened, where his full name would have been Shidou Goro.  
  
Somebody else in the room suited the name more, however. The smile of the impostor wasn't human. It was ruthless and merciless, exactly like his father had always been. Akechi Goro wasn't the child anymore. He had been replaced – surpassed – by this imitation, and it was quite obvious the original could never compare. This entity was Shidou Masayoshi's true son.  
  
Even so, Akechi Goro had been Shidou's son once. Just like a father would teach his son to drive or cook, Shidou had Akechi Goro learn about many things. Like firing a weapon, for example, or separating his feelings from his occupation in order to become the most efficient hitman of all. Yes, Akechi Goro had truly been raised by his father, now that he thought about it. He had been raised to be a murderer, but it was still better than being never raised at all, he figured.  
  
A sinister laugh rang in his ears and he suddenly remembered where he was. Shidou Goro's demented eyes peered at him, and his arm never shook while he pointed his gun at the teenager. This entity was what Akechi Goro had been. It was what Shidou believed his son to be – a cold-blooded, efficient puppet, that would always obey the orders given to him without a second thought. This is why the real teenager was happy to dispose of it – he was eager to erase the ugliest part of himself from existence. This time, he would make sure not to aim too far left. It was about time he put all those hours of firearm training to good use.  
  
With a soft smile, Akechi Goro shot.


End file.
